feelings growing up

journey to happiness

Monday, November 09, 2009tee

the past few days and maybe weeks, i’ve been on a whim. i keep on telling myself something is amiss and i have to get it fixed. i was, i have to admit, living in the past and seeing things in rose-colored glasses. i was pretty much convinced that my happiness depended on it and from that moment on, everything that felt right went south - i was becoming irritable, down, in short UN-understandable! i was becoming nitpicky, living in my own perfectionist world and putting every little sordid detail under a microscope.

i missed the good old days and the good old me - which for most part was a very happy version of me. the roller-coaster ride of emotions really got to me and i did not like what i was seeing or feeling.

then, in the middle of the night, i literally got a wake up call- i suddenly jolted out of bed fully awake, realized what was wrong and what has changed. and answers kept pouring in.
for most part, through time, i did change. it’s not entirely a bad thing. it seems i haven’t gotten to terms that the people around me have changed in the process too.

yes, for me, my epiphany happened exactly that way. it was like the rose-colored glasses were taken off and i was now seeing, for the first time, what i have missed. why did I need rose-colored glasses for, anyway? everything looked great in this world i was postponing to see.

through time we all have grown up and become (hopefully) better versions of ourselves. the years have made us all mature, wiser. looking back at the past is not at all bad but living in it and groping at it is. at some point, we have to admit that the inevitable has happened. people grow old, relationships and friendships mature.

reaching this realization was a slow, tedious and painful process. i must have cried buckets of tears and ate a lot of happiness-inducers (don’t know about you but mine will always be chocolate). in my quest for answers i have confused and pushed those who cared for me and my well-being.

but i am here now, i am back. a little shaken up, but i've never felt better. yes, people, I AM BACK!

with a smile at what has been, i look up at the future, and live my present with a much wider and bigger smile. after all, happiness is but a daily choice we all make.

i’ll be a better ME, promise.

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