happy thoughts parenthood

What nobody tells you about parenthood

Sunday, May 10, 2015tee

Motherhood is often pictured and portrayed in an idealistic scenario: the usual mom dressed to the nines, in a loving pose with a well-behaved kid. All in smiles. What they don't show you is what goes on beyond that moment. Behind a picture of perfection and bliss, a lot goes on. 

No one tells you how time quickly passes by. Literally. One day, you've just given birth and the next, little guy has hit the one-month mark. They grow up too fast, you'll be amazed how their tiny clothes have become oh-so-snug quickly. J and I were laughing so hard when we were dressing up Jaden and realized the onesie won't button anymore. Did he just wear the same thing a week ago? One day, it's the beginning of the week, and the next, it's the end. One time, it's early morning and the next, it's late afternoon. And you feel you haven't done anything yet - the laundry, the dishes, cooking. Where did the time go? Papa says parenthood is a calling, and a mission.  And he can't be wrong about that. So yeah, time passes by quickly so enjoy every moment of it and every phase of it. As one friend puts it, "They will not be babies forever."

No one tells you that you'd change, and that your pre-parent self now becomes an old shell. My days have been a blur of nappy changes, feed and burp sessions. My staples are a hair tied in a ponytail that eventually I sleep in one, eyebags that no instagram filter could ever hide, and a burpy cloth at my shoulder. It would be a lie to say that I don't miss my old self - when spontaneity was part of the picture and when time was in our hands and when the day's OOTD wasn't a pair of PJs which may or may not be covered in spit-up. But somehow, change is good and hearing the little tyke's coos and seeing his gummy and toothless smiles makes everything worthwhile.

No one tells you that it'd take time for you to get the hang of things. No one was born a natural or perfect parent. I was too hard on myself, the perfectionist that I am. No matter how self-confident I was, I keep on second-guessing myself and my decisions. Some days I become so overly-frustrated with myself, not knowing what to do with a fussy baby. I once told the little one, of all the software programs, he's the one that I couldn't quite decipher or debug. Did I burp him enough? Did I feed him well? Did I overstimulate or understimulate him? But each day is another day to learn and definitely, it gets better through time. Or at least, as a friend puts it, you'd get better at it. 

Everybody tells you about the sleepless hours and nights. Nobody tells you how amazingly you'd adapt and despite the lack of sleep, you can still function. J and I were literally walking zombies at the first couple of weeks. I remember not being able to carry a decent conversation and feeling so zapped and buzzed. In time, it got better that I become so overly tired when I finally get to sleep more hours, haha. Good thing the little guy started sleeping through the night by the time he turned month old. 

No one tells you how you'd feel so much love and care for a tiny being that it overwhelms, consumes and scares you at the same time. It dawns on you that you're 100% responsible for this tiny human being and that the job is 24/7. And that beyond physical and emotional needs, there's also intellectual and spiritual growth that you have to help mould. You're ultimately responsible and sometimes it means not finishing that morning coffee or rushing that shower, or watching your TV series in sections, pausing every few minutes or so. There's something inside of you that snaps, and somehow, it's not all about you anymore. And the love, so pure and raw at the same time, that you probably feel the most when the little angel is sleeping so serenely in his cot. Before everything else breaks loose. 

Celebrating parents' days used to be a practice I've taken for granted. Maybe because fathers' and mothers' day was a yearly thing that we celebrate since we were young kids. Sure, I was grateful and thankful to my parents and appreciate all parents for what they are doing to their kids. But becoming one and having one gave me a deeper perspective and understanding on how much our parents have done for us and how much they must have given up for us and what a good job they did to raise us up all these years.

When I hold Jaden in my arms and feel all these rush of emotions, I imagine the extent of God's love and sacrifice and unwavering grace to us. What I am feeling and doing feels so minute and small, and I am humbled.

In the end, cliche as it may sound, it's all worth it. To knowing your child is growing adequately, and to see your child gazing at you, and that oh-so-sweet smile that melts everything away. And you know you'd do and give anything in a heartbeat. God must really love us so much to give us a glimpse of how much He loves us by letting us experience parenthood, or if not parenthood, the experience of loving a child. 

To all mothers and parents out there, one word that seems so inadequate still: RESPECT. And to the greatest Parent up there: GRATITUDE. 

Chanced upon this video in the internet and somehow echoed and stirred something inside me. Parenthood is indeed such a wonderful thing. Oh, darn you onions. 

You Might Also Like

0 scribble(s)

Contact Form