Let me linger for a bit

Wednesday, April 18, 2018tee

These are the days of simple joys.

Of gummy, toothless smiles, of croons and coos and baby talk. 
Days when piggybacks are cool.
Days when holding hands with mum is acceptable and oh-so-natural.
Days of sweet hugs and wet, sloppy kisses.
And days when "I love you's" are a usual thing.
There's nothing that mum or dad’s hugs and kisses cant fix - a toothache, tummy pain, bruised knee, broken crayon.
When the best sleeping position is mum or dad’s chest, or their bed.
Days when you are their world and you get to spend most of the day with them.
When playing with you and spending time with you is the highlight of their day.

Little eyes that look up to you for everything. Little hands that hold yours. 
Tiny arms that hold you close in a hug. 
When your words are gold and set in stone. When they’d listen to you and trust your words and whatever you say are real. 
When they still have their child-like innocence and trusting nature. 
When you are enough and their world. 

These are difficult and exhausting days, too.
When parting seems to be struggle and they’d want to be with you 24/7.
For when there are late night wakings and nightmares.
Moments when emotions get so full-on, heightened and they just can't deal. 
Then goes the tantrums that seem to last for ages. 
Feeding that goes on and on and on and when there’s a seemingly endless cycle of "Feed, sleep, poop, repeat".

The days are long but the years are short.
Yet birthdays come year by year. Years have seem to slip by. I find myself holding on to them tighter, longer, while they still let me and while they still fit in my arms/lap. Looking at baby photos quite often and wistfully reminiscing. Weeks before I had Keira, I was hugging Jaden longer and longer. He was no longer my baby. And while I was excited to welcome a new addition in the family, I wanted to hold on to my first baby for as long as I can, to have more of him&me time which have seem to just come by in a flash. I knew our lives wouldn’t be the same, and yet he was so oblivious to what was to come.

Now with a newborn, the toddler now suddenly feels so grown-up and big in comparison that I tend to expect more and more. But oftentimes I forget, he too is still little and still needs me too. 

Being a parent with young kids is tough, exhausting and draining. This by far is the hardest and most tiresome thing I've ever taken on. But it is by far the most rewarding too. And oh-so-worth it. There are some days it feels like I want to rush things and just want this phase to end, for them to grow up already. Maybe it’d be easier. But the truth is, a part of me wants to hold on to their littleness for as long as I can. For me to soak in this all - to feel tiny eyes looking up at me and to know I am needed (again). Them growing up and moving to different phases will come sooner than I think. 

So let me linger now, for a bit, and enjoy this craziness while I can.

Inspired by this post which gave me the feels. 

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