JamesTee parenthood

This is us

Sunday, August 12, 2018tee

Oh, J. I’ve been looking at our old photos and have been reminded of us years back. Those were the days of spontaneity, travel, carefree wander. When the only distraction we had was computer games. When sleeping in was a luxury and when we actually needed alarm clocks to wake us up. When we could just be out of the door in 10minutes if need be. Those were the days before we became master multi-taskers. 

Some days I miss those days and wish to just escape to that life again. Even for a bit. We had it fairly easy, you and I. 

Those were the days of dreams. Dreams of the future, our future. A family, one we could call our own. Settling down somewhere. 

Now we are living what we’ve dreamt of and prayed for. 

Raising tiny humans is tough. I’m still a few months in with juggling two and I’ve never been so exhausted, drained and tired. There’s almost always something that needs to be done, someone that needs something (again) that the feeling is that I’m getting pulled here and there, all day long. These little people need and depend on us almost always. I am almost always exhausted, running low on patience and grace, and learning each and every day things about myself, you and the kids. 

One day we will look back at these days and smile wistfully at how fast it all went. One day we will miss the baby smell and carrying tiny babies. We will miss the little feet that run the hallway and the oh so familiar noise of havoc in the house. When it we won’t be so draining answering this and that, and listening to a toddler who talks non-stop. When we wont be tired saying the same thing the umpteenth time. When we won’t hear the dreaded familiar sound of a tub of toys unloaded in the floor. Or when silence is no longer suspicious. When your shoulders won’t be sore carrying a 30-ish-pounder around. When our house will actually stay tidy and mess-free. 

But yes, this is where we are at now. It’s been crazy/busy. I honestly dont know what I’d do without your peace, your calm, your chill. Thanks for making me sane when the days seem to drag on and on and nothing seems to be done. When I have nothing to show for in chores because I had spread myself thin. When nothing seems to be going right - the baby’s crying and want to be held all day and the toddler’s throwing tantrums left and right. When I just want to disappear for a minute to take a breather for myself - even if it means just taking a shower. Thank you for making me feel it’s okay to feel these things, that I am enough and for being there when I need you which I admit is more often than not. Thanks for giving me these small pockets of time for myself - a few minutes to breathe before I am needed again. Even if it is just to window-shop, to have my hair cut, to see the doctor.  And sleep, thanks for trying to give me a few uninterrupted hours  at night before the next feeding, knowing full well  I need it and even if it means lesser time with you. Thanks for making me feel I am doing more than enough, I am doing alright at this motherhood gig, and for encouraging me that there will be better days. It will get better, I know it will. 

But yes, this is us now. This is where we are at now. And I can’t think of doing this with anyone else - eyebags, sleep-deprivation and all.

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