family jaden

We now have a school-kid!

Wednesday, May 27, 2020tee

“Enjoy this time, it’ll fly by so fast.” “They’ll be little for such a short time”. Oh the countless polite half-smiles (and sometimes imaginary eye-rolls) I did when I heard this.

I heard this at the time when I was in the midst of it all. The early years/days seemed to be the slowest and longest days of my life. At least that’s how it felt at that time. Surely, these people didn't know what they were talking about when they said these things? 

Time felt forever when I was up all night trying to settle him. Days felt so long when I was at home all day playing and entertaining him, and doing the usual ‘feed-sleep-play-poop’ gig on repeat. And time didn’t fly so fast either when he was a mountain of inexplicable emotions (oh the terrible twos, what a challenging time ). It felt forever when I had to entertain him and read to him tons of books. It felt ages when I had to patiently teach him about things, and repeatedly sing songs or read books until  could do it with my eyes closed. 

But somehow, here we are. Those days, it breezed through. And before I knew it, there's this active kiddo where the baby used to be. 

It’s an end of an era of just him and me. He’s off to school. And suddenly, it’s all making sense. 

He's looking so dapper wearing his school threads. He has this biggest smile of excitement, he was raring to go. I fix his hair, remind him to put sunscreen on. He says he's soooo excited but a bit scared too. I reassured him, but it seemed like he didn't need any of it. Truth be told, I was the one in shambles and barely keeping it together inside.

Like every new thing, and just as we have expected, my super confident boy just zoomed into his classroom without looking back. He was so ready for this. You’d think it makes it easier that he wasn’t scared or anxious at all - but it didn’t. No, because I’m having all the feels and nothing could have prepared me for this. 

I was overanalysing it, worrying how he'd be younger than his peers. How he'd cope in school with structure. We knew he'd make friends, it comes so easily with his happy and easy nature. I worried about not being there with him always, not being there when he needed to tell me something, or when he needed a hug or an encouragement. I worry about nasty kids in the school yard, and bad influences. I worried about bullies and my oh-so-gentle little boy. But truth be told, I think I wanted to selfishly keep him to myself.

A week in and he is making friends, and enjoying his time at school. He looks as if he belongs there and has been there for years, when he's just started. He has been so ready to go to school, there is no question about it. He came home with a learning award for the first week of school. For which, until now we don't know what for, just that he did an excellent job. He doesn't really give us a run-down of what went on in school, haha. He is adjusting and his body is still getting used to this new routine - oftentimes coming home exhausted after a packed day. I am happy for him - for this new chapter of learning and fun and new friends. I feel sad for me, missing him at home and sometimes counting the hours 'til he'll be back. I miss playing boardgames with him, building legos with him, and spending time with him in the afternoon while K naps. I miss having a little helper around who looks out for his sister and makes sure I have help with whatever I need to do. His little sister misses him too, she has been a bit lost at home and at playgroup without him around. He's been so good with her that now, I feel the burden of what he used to do - play with her, chat with her, be silly with her. And truth be told, I don't think I will ever measure up. I certainly have big shoes to fill. 

Bedtimes have always been my favourite. I get unlimited hugs and kisses from my sweet little boy. He tells me he loves me thousands of googolplex-es. More than anything in this whole world. He cuddles me and tells me he won't let me go.

Things have changed, and he's gone for the most of the day. But come bedtime, he's still the same.  Things have changed, but we make new routines. New normals. Now, I squeeze into his single bed with him for a bit as we chat about the day and recall the highs and lows of his day. He gets really chatty during this time and back to his normal self, unlike the tired version of himself that comes home after school. Things have changed, but the important things, haven't. And I'll do this until he lets me.

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